Sexy is Something You Do

Understanding what makes you, as a woman, sexy, can help you let go of shame, guilt, and insecurities around your ability to attract men and start feeling sexy and fulfilled!

Most women I talk to feel a sort of emptiness near their pelvis–the womb area. It’s not a negative emotion; it’s more like the absence of something; a hollowness. Can you feel what I’m talking about?

This is NOT because you don’t have a man, or your man doesn’t “get it.” Nor is it a craving for a child (although that might be present too). This is the result of not knowing how to enjoy your own feminine sexuality.

Most people define “sexy” as a quality that you either inherently have…or you don’t. We believe that sexy is something that we either are or are not–and most of us believe we are not!

Most women have a hard time picturing themselves as “a sexy woman.” We have no problem identifying when another woman is sexy though! Whether she’s a model, a celebrity, or a character in a story, we project the idea of sexiness out onto other women, but most of us don’t see our potential for sexiness inside.

Furthermore, we buy into the beliefs that we could be sexy, if we lose those few extra pounds, do our hair just right, tweeze, pluck, shave, and suck it in. And even then, we still don’t feel sexy or beautiful. We still doubt that we are one of the chosen few “sexy ones.”

Well, you can put that torturous internal dialogue to rest, because sexy is not something you are, it is something you do.

And as a woman, you have the power to do sexy any time you choose!

Sexy is a behavior (or more accurately, it’s a set of behaviors). You are either “doing” sexy, or you aren’t. It’s like running, walking, talking, sitting or chewing gum. Just because you are sitting down, that doesn’t mean you’ve lost the ability to walk, and vice versa.

Your sexiness is the same way. Sexy happens in the moment, and at any one given time, you are either doing sexy or not. If you don’t know how to do sexy, then I highly recommend coming and learning how to flirt at The Art of Flirting Weekend Workshop.

Being able to consciously choose to do sexy will also give you the power to choose NOT to do sexy. Most women shut off their sexy behaviors completely because they don’t want to attract the wrong men, or appear slutty.

Then, years later, they wonder why they feel that emptiness or why men don’t seem to “notice them anymore.” It’s not because you got older or heavier; it’s because you shut off your sexy! By re-learning those behaviors, you can do sexy again–at any age, weight or stage of life.

One of the most inspiring examples of this that I’ve seen is at a pole dancing class (my new passion!). The first time I took a class, I saw women of all shapes and sizes bringing out an incredible amount of sexy from within.

It occurred to me that most of us women don’t ever get to see that. We only see the airbrushed photos or the actresses that have gone through hours of hair and makeup just to look “natural.” So we lose touch with our own ability to do sexy.

You may have heard that men are “visual creatures” that care primarily about looks, and can’t get in touch with the more emotional aspects of attraction the way we women can. This is a myth. There are some people–men and women–who are more visually oriented than others, but even those who are more visually oriented are still, at the unconscious level, mostly looking at the behaviors of sexy. Even men who say they only care about how a woman’s body looks will be quick to say that a “10” who acts like a brat is not attractive to them.

Yes, the way you look matters, but not the way you think. Taking care of your body and taking time to make yourself look beautiful are some of the behaviors of sexy. What is outside is a reflection of your choices, and THAT is what makes looking a certain way and dressing a certain way sexy.

So how to do you “do” sexy? Get in touch with your body. When you walk, put a little sway in your hips. When you reach for something, make your reach a sultry stretch. Think of the sexiest woman you know and move the way she moves. Come learn the Art of Flirting. And most importantly, let go of any limiting beliefs you have about your sexiness. You are a woman; therefore, you have the power to do sexy!


  1. I’ll share some insight into me personally, and into the Power of Sexy-ness.

    I am extremely visual, and agree with all this. Universal forces are insanely powerful. Law Of Attraction. Gravity. Femininity. I expect any woman I am with to be able to influence me powerfully if she chooses to ‘turn it on.’

    Being aware and respectful of this ability helps me a) bring it out in others (women always become sexier / more beautiful around me, in a good, healthy way) and b) helps me decide how I wish to be affected by this sexy influence.

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