How well do you receive him?

If there’s one thing that most women (myself included!) need to get better at, it’s receptivity.

Have you ever experienced the feeling of starving for affection, appreciation, or even starving for love? Whether in a relationship or not, most women I know feel like they will never truly experience the kind of deep passion they desire.

Most of us fear that we will never be seen for the sexy, luscious woman that we are. Some of us have even stopped seeing ourselves that way.

The crazy thing about this is that the men in our lives are practically doing back flips to show us how beautiful they think we are! But most women don’t even notice this, let alone know how to receive it.

Receptivity is, well, the ability to receive. As a woman, one of the greatest gifts you can give is your receptivity.

This might seem counter-intuitive to those of us who go overboard trying to take care of everything for others–especially for the men in our lives. In the past, I’ve fallen into the trap of wondering why a man doesn’t appreciate me or like me when I was constantly doing favors for him: cooking meals, doing laundry, lending him money, rubbing his…neck. Can’t he see how much I do for him?

There might be some men out there that want “mommy” to take care of them, but most men want you to be their happy, healthy, vibrantly sexy partner, not their personal assistant.

Receptivity is one of the key aspects of femininity. Receptivity is not about lacking boundaries or letting a man “get away with” treating you disrespectfully. Receptivity is about accepting what IS without judgment or criticism.

Some women struggle with receiving pleasure. This kind of woman feels guilty or unable to relax, even when her man insists that he wants to give to her. This usually leaves the man feeling rejected and inadequate as a lover, and eventually he will stop trying.

Some of us struggle with receiving gifts and compliments. Have you ever wished that your man would be more affectionate and romantic? Again, most men will stop trying if their gestures are judged instead of received. “Why would you get me chocolates if you know I’m trying to lose weight?” “I told you not to get me flowers because they irritate my allergies.”

Ok, even if you’ve never said these things to a man outright, how well do you receive what is given? If he plans a romantic night out, do you appreciate the gesture, or are you secretly disappointed because he took you to the same restaurant you’ve been to a million times…

Do not mistake his inability to read your mind about what you want as a lack of interest in making you happy. I remember when I was complaining to my boyfriend for the umpteenth time about wanting more romance, and he buried his head in his hands and said (with such passion and frustration), “Liz, I just want to make you happy!”

Your man craves your receptivity more than you could ever imagine.

Receptivity is more than just appreciating his gifts and gestures. True receptivity–and this is where I have struggled the most!–is the ability to receive the things we don’t want, too.

Maybe you are good at receiving pleasure; maybe you are good at receiving his romantic gestures, but how well do you receive it when he tells you he needs some space? How well to receive it when he’s angry? How receptive are you when he is vulnerable, upset, and needs your support?

Receptivity can be difficult because it requires letting go of control. This can bring up your “stuff,” so don’t try to do it all at once. Start small.

When you receive a compliment, say thank you instead of arguing with it (even if the argument is only in your head).

When a man does something nice for you, appreciate it and say thank you–resist the urge to tell him how, next time, what you’d really like is…

Again, if you are wanting more attention, affection, and appreciation, then the way to get it is to start receiving it when he gives it. This will inspire him to give more, and more often.


  1. Sigh.

    I feel so understood reading this:

    “but how well do you receive it when he tells you he needs some space? How well to receive it when he’s angry? How receptive are you when he is vulnerable, upset, and needs your support?”

    I consider myself a confident, authentic, successful man, and I can tell you that what you’ve written on this blog is powerfully attractive, and feels like heaven even to imagine a woman doing these things.

    Thank you!


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