The following is a guest post from Jason Fonceca from Ryze. I know that many women don’t believe that men who are willing to be this caring, open, and vulnerable even exist–so here’s Jason proving that belief wrong! Enjoy!
You’re hurting the world by not being as sexy as you can be.
Yep, I said it, and it’s important that someone does.
Beauty, light, radiance.
These principles have been around since the dawn of time, and the world has expanded in its ideas and expression of beauty, sexiness included.
Most of the time, women are busy hiding it because they think it ‘doesn’t have a place in this world’, ‘it will be judged’, ‘everyone else is prettier’, ‘mom said don’t be a slut’, etc.
However, I think hiding sexiness for any reason is bullshit and it’s time someone spoke in clear language about these things.
Sexy is a form of beauty. Go with it.
I’m going to give you some keys to being sexy that are rooted in the timeless principles of beauty and femininity. All men are capable of feeling and observing these qualities in a woman. Let’s delve into one of the most controversial aspects of sexiness. These will work any time, anywhere, if you apply them.
“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.” -Lois Wyse
1. Outer Beauty
Cosmo, Playboy, and Maxim suggest that outer beauty is so incredibly important. And while outer beauty is an obvious and easy thing to compare and be jealous of — it is NOT the most important factor in sexiness.
As a guy (with a large social circle and vast life-experiences :) ), I can tell you that porn centerfolds blend together, and many of today’s top models feel masculine and not sexy. Take Jay-Z, for example. He spent years focusing on his art and could basically take his pick of women. But how many of them could really attract and hold his attention? How many were really sexy to him? In the end Beyonce makes the most sense because she animates a sexiness that is a match to Jay’s power.
Many men will act as if models and celebrities are attractive, but those are NOT the men you want to appeal to.
Those are easily swayed men, who just follow the media and don’t know themselves. They’re generally misdirected, purposeless guys who have yet to find their way in life. (Similar to how you may have been holding back your sexiness by comparing yourself to Angelina Jolie or whoever – as opposed focusing on your strengths and being sexy.) These men have not stepped into their power. Is that the kind of man you want?
Anyway, enough ranting, there is a place for outer-beauty in the world. I mean, I personally adore it, and my collection of beautiful images is impressive. I praise and worship things that bring me joy (like beautiful women, for example).
No one sits around judging flowers in a garden, comparing which are “more beautiful.” We all just appreciate them. A flower’s main purpose is to be beautiful, attract attention, light up environments and be appreciated. Our world is balanced well, with flowers knowing how to be flowers. Blossom like a flower, if you feel it inside. Don’t wait, take steps now. Be sexy.
How, you say?
Well, let’s explore two under-addressed, hot-button topics. Society may try to convince you that the things I’m about to suggest are “bad” or “weak.” They’re not, and the people who do this are focused on negatives. They have strong opinions and are missing a broader perspective of what really balances the world.
I’m about to give you the most direct, success-focused wisdom I can, but don’t take my word for it. Find out for yourself. Be curious, be an experimenter, be someone who broadens their horizons and tries something new. Try them for yourself, and don’t listen to people who say that they’re bad.
You’re a brilliant, smart, sexy woman — I know it — and I want you to go and find out for yourself what works for you. Ready? Good.
Let’s go over some key aspects of outer-beauty: Eyes, Movement, Voice and Clothing.
Oh my god, looks can be so attractive. Eye contact is pretty natural for most people, and although you may’ve forgotten about using eye contact, you can bring it back any time. Even though I strongly believe that this is an instinctual thing, I’ll give you some ‘How-To’ info.
Eyes, glances, and looks can communicate. 90% of communication is non-verbal, and eyes are a big part of this. So pay attention to what you communicate with your eyes. Without your words you should be able to say a wide variety of things, such as:
I love you.
I want you.
I am beautiful
We are a match,
We should f***.
Practice different looks, even if it feels silly: this includes accompanying smiles, coy glances over the shoulder and quick peeps!
A sexy woman understands that her every move can be impactful, observable and incredibly sensual. She animates energy from the hips, her core, and expresses it with grace as she moves. A sexy woman knows how to add a hint of mystery and flirtation in her gestures.
Don’t feel like you have to work hard at this. It is JUST movement, and you’ve been moving since you were born. A little attention on this area can work wonders. Your sensuality can radiate out of every pore of your body! You’ll strongly intend and believe in your movements. Everyone has control over their nervous system and can move how they like.
You have complete freedom and control on how sexy your movements and posture are. In the sexy woman’s movements and gestures there’s no awkwardness or embarrassment.
A sexy woman has a soft, light, feminine voice that has a hint of breathiness to it. It’s playful, happy, amused, and doesn’t contain any whininess, defensiveness or aggression. Use an as sexy laugh as possible. Yes, everyone has their own genetics and voice, but you can always aim for a more breathy, girly laugh. Any human being, if they are focused, can make improvements to any part of their life. Knowing that, can you admit that possibly, maybe, some voice work might help? There are coaches, Google and people to model. Improve yours!
Clothing and wardrobe is meant to enhance what is already there.
Decorate yourself. Really decorate yourself.
This doesn’t mean go overboard. It means finding out how to accentuate any — and I mean any – appearance-strengths you have. If all your appearance-strengths are covered by fat, emotional scars and drab clothing, make a choice and a commitment to Change That and let your light really shine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to elevate your physical appearance. People do it at every age, and there is always something creative you can do to improve it.
Again, all body language and decoration sends messages. Your shoes transmit a message about your personal brand of sexiness. Your handbag does the same. If you can’t rush out and get on this immediately, that’s okay. You have some good years ahead to work toward a decoration that suits you.
This is all about dressing in ways that flatter and highlight the best parts of you, so much that guys are so taken in and attracted by your strengths, that not much else matters. Choose fabrics that suit you. Rough ones? Light ones? Sheer ones? Colorful? Really think about yourself, your soul, your personality and your own brand of sexiness.
Katy Perry’s version of sexy is different from Lady Gaga’s which is different from Britney Spears. All of these women are sexy in their own right, but none of them would deviate much from what suits them personally. They experiment within their brand of sexy, expand it gradually, and never try to be something they’re not.
Now put it into writing…
This takes soul-searching. This takes really figuring out your strengths. Sit down and write out in words, clear words, your sexiest physical attributes. If you’re not willing to write out your strengths, don’t even pretend you’re committed to increasing your sexiness.
Everything in life is more powerful and valuable when put into writing. This includes contracts, marriage vows, invitations, elevator pitches, love-letters… and your personal sexiness.
Drop voices in your head, drop criticism, drop jealousy and scarring. Sit down and write out a list of your best physical traits, whatever they are. Don’t forget voice and eyes. Even calves or necks can be very sensual.
Remember, there is always something creative you can do to improve your appearance.
If you really want to do it, you will take steps. You will Google this. There are so many small, high-leverage things you can do. If you really want to improve this, my article will easily inspire you. You will experiment and seek out advice.
If you are not seeking out help, advice, and improvement, it’s simple — you do NOT have a true, heartfelt, burning desire to appear more beautiful to the world. (At least not yet, but you will!) It’s time to blossom into the real, sexy you.
Or if you prefer to stay living in unsexy misery and whining about how bad you have it, that’s cool too. ;)
You have the power inside you. Commit to being sexier. If more women could commit to this, there would be way more happier women AND men ;)
I’d like to thank Liz deeply for this opportunity to speak to such a warm audience. You’re all awesome. I love you all. I really do, and the world needs more love.
I love sexiness too. I`m not scared to show it and I`m not scared to say it. In fact, I’m proud of it.
I love women. I love sexuality. I love life. I especially love the timeless God of beauty I can feel the trends of western society trying to convince us that some forms of it are dirty, low-brow or an elite privilege only for some. But, it’s not. Beauty is your birthright, and I feel compelled to speak out and let you know.
I’ve dedicated my life to successfully creating and appreciating beauty of all kinds.
Sexiness is meant to be seen, to light up rooms and to be appreciated. You can fight your sexiness, or you can allow it. You can focus on it and study it, or you can avoid it and downplay it. One feels fantastic, the other feels draining.
You’re sexy inside. You can let go of old ways and let yourself shine.
So at the risk of being slammed (hey, I can be vulnerable too :P), go forth and be sexy – I command you ;)
It helps us all. Thank you.
“Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.” -Sophia Loren